Ode to Streakers 12 (a.k.a. 800s Today—Hooray, Hooray!)

800s today—hooray, hooray!
Oh boy, I cannot wait!
What did I do so bad in life
To deserve this kind of fate?
Oh yes, I missed my goal again
(I’m really, really sorry, Jen!)

Come on, Coach
I’m old, I’m tired
800s today?
I’m just not inspired.

Still round and round the track I go
Don’t wait for me, cause I’ll be slow
The aches, the pain—oh, what I pay
To shave 3 seconds off my last 10K.

You know Coach Jen is brutal
Arguing with her, it’s futile
Stretching my goals—she always wants more
Oh…I can’t wait till she’s 54.

Remember those striders we had last week
How many did you have to run?
In all the months we’ve done them
Have you ever seen Jen do even one?

I know you young folks think I’m lazy
But my PRs, they’re all in the past
I don’t know what I do this for
To always come in near the last.

And to those of you who pass me by
I roll my eyes, “Oh, brother!”
And when you do—remember
I’m old enough to be your mother!

Rick, I know you might think
I’m always complaining
But do you really expect me
To run when it’s raining?!

And the heat we had this summer?
Yes, that was a bummer!
It made me hot, it gave me rashes
It was even worse than my hot flashes!

And now it’s getting dark and cold
The winter’s almost here
With snow and ice and sleet and wind
And freezing snot, Oh dear!

And who is this guy called Will Ferrell?
Is he Ron or Chazz or Frank?
Did he ever run a single race?
Did he invent the plank?

And you know another thing
that’s scary
This darn running
vocabulary

There are tempos and fartleks and negative splits
And something called a surge
To run this way, quite frankly,
I’ve never had the urge

There are gels and beans
and powders and chews
What happened to the good old days
When all you needed was a pair of shoes?

And racing fees?
I almost croaked
They cost so much
I’m going broke!

Streakers today, we have so much to do
With plans and progressions and core
And yes, we now have 1000s,
I just can’t take it any more

Streakers 13—it might be lucky
But not for me, I’m quittin’
I’ve had it, I’m through, enough of this
Good-bye you all, I’m splittin’

You guys can stay
And do your planks
For me, I say
“No, way. No thanks!”

But wait, I just remembered
Those cookies Anna made
So yummy and so tasty
Hmmm… perhaps I’ve been a bit too hasty

And I can’t forget the pizza
Or the cake at Maxi B’s
What about that Smoothie King
Now that was a pleasant freeze.

And if I leave
I have to give up
All those days
We lived it up

Like theme night
Yes, the Chazzes won
I’d miss all that
I’d miss the fun

And remember Halloween?
The costumes, oh so cute
Like the one that goofy girl wore
You know…the banana suit

What about our captains
They’re into subgroup sharing
I don’t think that I have ever met
A group so nice and caring

They get us up on Saturday morns
6 a.m.? That’s a pretty big deal
And best of all, when the miles are done
We enjoy a delicious meal

And those crazies who do ultras?
And the others who went to Japan?
All I can say about them
Is “Oh man, oh man, oh man.”

Seems no matter where you run or race
You’ll see another Streaker face
And those cowbells you are hearing
Well, that’s the Streakers cheering

Some are fast, and some are slow
Some are short, some tall
Doesn’t really matter though,
We are runners all!

So thank you to my Streaker friends
Who make each day so fun
Thank you for inspiring me
On each and every run

And thank you to the world’s best coach
We just call her Jen
Even when our times are off
She sticks with us through thick and thin

So though I may be getting old
My bones, they are a creakin’
As long as I have legs that move
I reckon I’ll keep on Streakin’

Yes, sign me up for one more session
No, I haven’t learned my lesson
But I can’t give up on all the laughs
Hey, maybe next time, I’ll do two halfs!

So 800s today--
hooray, hooray!
I guess we wouldn’t have it
any other way!

For more information about the Streakers program, click here.

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